Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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