grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dear god my vagina.
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