I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
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If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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