You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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