He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
