Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
