Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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