They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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