I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
