I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
