Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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