Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
