Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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