I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
