These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
