why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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