So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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