dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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