Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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