actually, I'm a sock model
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
