I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize