its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
