Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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