I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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