Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
