well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
