You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
