I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My vagina is officially offended.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
