i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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