it was like eating out sand paper
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
