i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
