woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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