My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
