i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my shit smells like andre
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
