Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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