I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
