Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
