Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
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oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
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I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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