Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
