he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
