yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
