Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
