if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
