No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize