I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
