Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm having to shit out rocks
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
