I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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