I hate all girls vehemently.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
