I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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