I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
