a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
