she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
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He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
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It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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