I have demons in me.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
