Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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