I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
