Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
