I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Also, beer. Big fan.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
