Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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