Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
