his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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