Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I wear drunk well.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
