so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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