Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
